My Wife Blames Me For Everything
My wife never says sorry – it’s always my fault – how do I deal with it?
Mia and Barry were on holidays on the Gold Coast with their 2 small boys, and staying in a lovely hotel near the beach. It was just as Mia had wanted and she was very happy with the hotel, the room and great pool for the boys. Barry felt relieved that Mia was happy, as she often got irritated at the smallest thing, and he usually got the blame for things that went wrong.
Mia got things ready for their outing to the Dreamworld Theme Park the next day. She checked the camera and remarked to Barry that the battery was low and that she must charge it before going to bed. Mia was the photographer in the family and took pride in her photos and her equipment.
Mia realizes her plans have not gone according to plan.
The next day, as they lined up to buy the tickets at Dreamworld, Mia realized the camera battery had not been put on the charger. She immediately got upset, as having a low battery would of course limit the number of photos of the boys she could take that day. And she had planned to take many!
Mia got mad at Barry for not putting the battery on the charger the night before when she had mentioned it. Barry replied that it was not his job – adding that she always did it “so that it was done right”. Mia then got madder at Barry for not reminding her to do it before she went to bed. She snapped at him that she had told him the battery was low so that he could remind her about it.
When Barry didn’t apologise, Mia got even madder.
Mia blamed him for not charging the battery, and surely he could have seen that she had so many things on her mind, preparing for their big day out! And why did she have to do everything?
She screamed at him that he didn’t love her, and if he did he would have recharged the battery FOR HER or at least reminded her to do it.
Mia was so distressed about the camera that she refused to go into Dreamworld, yelling at Barry that they would have to return to the hotel and make plans to come back on another day.
Barry tried to console Mia and explained to her that their Dreamworld family ticket was for use on that day only. Their experience at the theme park, he told Mia, was more valuable than photos.
This did not comfort Mia at all and she remained upset that Barry didn’t understand her and “you have no idea what’s important to me”. Meanwhile the boys were becoming upset at their mother’s outburst, and started whining because they wanted to get in to the theme park.
The outcome was not a good one. Barry took the boys into Dreamworld by himself, and Mia returned to the hotel by taxi to recharge the battery (more expense, but that was described as “Barry’s fault”).
The family’s day outing had been destroyed and Mia considered it entirely Barry’s fault.
At no time could she:
- accept the responsibility for not having recharged the battery or
- regulate her own emotion sufficiently to recover from her disappointment about the photos.
Barry tried to point out to Mia that everyone had been upset because she hadn’t been able to manage her outburst.
Mia retaliated by telling Barry that if he had gone along with her decision to return to the hotel, then everything would have been alright. Again, Barry was blamed for the situation having not worked out according to Mia’s plans.