My husband doesn’t love me the way I want him to
It feels like I love him more than he loves me
Have you ever felt that your partner doesn’t love you now the same as he did when you first got together? I guess we have all felt that fear at some time in our relationship – the fear that we love our partner more than he loves us.
Ever wondered why you felt safe and secure in the relationship before, but not now? Is it because you are fighting more now? Or perhaps just feeling more distant?
Did he always send you flowers to work before you married – but never since? Or is it that he doesn’t approach you for sex as often as he used to?
He did things before that made you feel loved and secure – but not any more
Now think about it the other way around. I wonder if your partner feels just as loved now by YOU as he did before. What did you do for him before, that you don’t do now?
Perhaps you would always cuddle with him on the couch while you were watching TV – but now you spend more time in the kitchen, and clearing the dishes are the priority.
Or maybe you always wanted to chat to him after dinner, or spend hours on the phone with him. But now, you spend hours on the phone with your girlfriends instead.
We all have a certain need for love – and we are not all the same
Think of it as us all having an emotional gas tank, and when we run out of gas, we need to top up. But we don’t all go to the same gas station. We each have a preference (for whatever reason) for a certain gas station, and we go out of our way sometimes, to drive to our preferred one. Right?
Well, it’s the same for being “topped up” emotionally. When our emotional gas tank runs dry, we like it to be filled in our preferred way. This is the way we like to be loved. This is what we NEED in order to feel loved.
The 5 Love Languages are the 5 ways that a person might feel loved.
You may have heard of the 5 Love Languages (Dr Gary Chapman wrote a book with this title). These are the five different ways in which a person “receives” love – and it could be by receiving a gift, or having someone simply spend time with them, or perhaps having someone do something for them.
Other people feel loved when they receive physical touch (a warm hug, holding hands, a caress), whilst others may need to hear their loved one SAY words of kindness or affirmation.
In my case, I don’t need praise, but I do like a thank you (words of appreciation). And because my ears play an important part in the way I feel love, I react badly to an irritable or judgmental tone of voice, and I don’t do well with raised voices and anger.
If you speak to someone in a love language that is not the way they feel loved, then your expression of love falls on deaf ears!
At the beginning of a relationship, we are so in love, we spend all our time with each other and meet our partners need for love AND MORE just by being so adoring…. because we are speaking ALL the Love Languages without actually knowing it.
As time goes on, we have to consciously and deliberately speak our partner’s Love Language – but that means we first have to find out what it is!